I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
