Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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