Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
