Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize