i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
