Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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