my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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