It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Randomize
