lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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