In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
