I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He shit in the fireplace
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
