I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
