Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
sex in a hospital.. check
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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