How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
