I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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