yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
