This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
