Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
