What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
