his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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