So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize