I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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