using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
