I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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