How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize