thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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