I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
