well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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