I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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