woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
