What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
