I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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