Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
