the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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