He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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