Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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