Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Come see our sink grown plant.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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