Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
