did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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