Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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