The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
