so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The air was thick with penises
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
