Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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