You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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