how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
