I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
