She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think people are normalizing furries
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
