Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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