So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
