Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i was born a porn star she said
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize