I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
