Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
