thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
