Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
