Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
