I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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