Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
