Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
