that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize