Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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