Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
