Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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