I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
