I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
