We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
