I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
