had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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