I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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