Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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