Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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