What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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