he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
