last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
