Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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