i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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