Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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