In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
