based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
