Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
