i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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