At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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