You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
