Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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