I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
