He disabled his match.com account in front of me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
