so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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