New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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