Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
