A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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