just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
