when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Randomize
