9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
