I've blown a few things in my day
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
